


One More Gone

by lou2



Category: Naruto
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Heavy Angst, Past Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-10 15:39:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15294672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lou2/pseuds/lou2
Summary: Takes place during and right after manga chapter 405Naruto immerses himself in his recent heartbreak and comes out the other side.





	One More Gone

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted to LJ June 2008.
> 
> Written for Naruto Contest for the word prompt - rebirth
> 
> Jiraiya's death hit me pretty hard when I first read it. Writing this sort of helped.

Alone. He died all alone. There was no one to fight with him, no one to help him, no one to just hold him when he died.

Why Jiraiya? Why did you go alone? Why did you leave me?

I wish I believed in reincarnation or even resurrection, but even if I did it’s a forbidden jutsu and I can’t fall that far. He wouldn’t be my Jiraiya, my Ero-sennin, or my Pervy Sage if he came back that way.

I blamed Grandma Tsunade for sending him, but really it’s not her fault. No matter what she said he probably would’ve gone without her approval anyway. So, I blame him. Thinking he’s invincible because he’s one of the Legendary Three Sannin. Pffft! Stupid bastard, he’s lived long enough to know better.

I can’t even bring myself to eat; the pain in my heart is so deep. I cry and cry and still it feels as if my world has begun crashing in on me.

I should have been there. I should have been by his side. I should have been able to save him. Instead I was once again chasing after Sasuke. I’ve lost my best friend twice now and I don’t know if my heart can keep up.

As I walk this lonely and desolate night I know something has to change, but I don’t know what it could possibly be. My life has revolved around trying to bring Sasuke back for so long now that I don’t know if I can do anything else anymore.

The tears refuse to end and I’ve stopped trying. I just want to use them to wash away all the pain.

Why Jiraiya? WHY?! I wasn’t done learning. I still needed you. Why did you leave me like everyone else? Why? You were supposed to be there the day I become Hokage. The day I prove to everyone I’m not dead last.

Iruka? He tries to help, he really does. He’s probably one of the few people who really understand me; who really know what this feels like. I try and smile for him. I really do, but I don’t know how reassuring it is to him. Just one more precious person I’m doomed to disappoint I guess.

Iruka and I sit quietly on the bench and all I can do is think. My tears did not wash away the grief, but now that they are gone, my self pity seems to be going with them. That’s a good thing I think, but now that I’m not wallowing in depression, I’m thinking too much.

Something needs to change, but my heart just won’t let me stop chasing after Sasuke. I have to bring him home. I can’t be an honorable Hokage if I can’t even help my very first friend come back from his dark place. I can’t stop looking for Sasuke, but now every time I leave Konoha to search for him, I’ll wonder if another precious person will die.

I want to be everything for everybody because it was so horrible being a hated little nobody. I want to hang on to my little boy ideals that I can do anything, even though it’s obvious I can’t. I’m sorry Jiraiya. I’m sorry Iruka. I can’t stay the same me as I’ve always been. I need to be more.

**Author's Note:**

> If you happened to read this and liked it, a kudos would be happily appreciated.
> 
> Comments are wonderful, but completely unnecessary.


End file.
